Finding Prince Charming

When I was a little girl, I dreamed about "Mr.Right", my wedding, being a mother, and having a family. My Prince Charming would whisk me away and desire me above all else, even when my hair turns to silver, and my body is failing. I would be his. I saw my Grandmother, who until the day she died, (35 years after Grandpa) desire no other man, just patiently waiting to be reunited with him in Heaven. 

That is what I wanted! That is strong love!
But in a world, and my own life so full of divorce, I didn't know how to get that. Heck, I didn't even know what I was really trying to get. I know what I saw in the movies. You know what I'm talking about, "Prince Charming comes in on his white horse, saves the day, and that IS IT! 

Let the trumpets sound...Doot do doooo! Your soul mate has arrived! His desires are the same as yours, and instantly fate has paired you up. His life mission is just to bring you happiness."
*Siiigh* eyelashes bat and my heart skips a beat. That's it! That must be what my Grandparents had! All my girlfriends would just swoon over how gorgeous he was, and his unfailing tunnel vision that was only focused on me!  
Having my eye on the "target" I was now on the hunt at the ripe age of 10. Getting boyfriend after boyfriend.

                 Whoooooooa! SHOCK FACTOR!! 10??
                                 ??What??

Now that you have all said, "Oh my! Ten years old!" You know what I am talking about. Cute boy in class, or a friend of the family. Even though you don't go anywhere or do anything, maybe hold hands, hug, or maybe a kiss on the cheek for the joining parents to take a picture and giggle at how "cute" we were. That's right, even that young and innocent, not really a boyfriend in the mature sense. It still had an impact on my life and my worth. Showing me that I had to have someone. Life wasn't complete unless someone else found worth in me. What gained me the "worth" of a boy in class? Making sure my body was small, I dressed in the "correct" clothes, and only hung out with the "worthy ones." Imitating them in their lives whether it was my likes or not. This is where I fell into for many years the world's warped view on "individuality and worth." Now I won't go fully into that view, if you are interested in that you can read my other blog Them Nasty Curse Words In Church. 

Okay.... plug in for blog complete...moving on...

So as the years go by, boy after boy being "The One," until he turns out not to be the Prince Charming I had imagined. Each rejection, each failure telling me that I wasn't "worth" them devoting their lives to my said happiness. Even when I would change myself to be what "he would like." I kept failing, failing at being "worth" his love and worth his commitment. I wasn't  worth my Grandparents love. 

By the time I met my Husband, I was a professional people pleaser. I wouldn't have known what I actually liked, if it had walked right up and smacked me on the head. Going into our marriage, we were both such wrecks. We actually planned our failure. We were very open about it too. As we bought stuff, right then and there we would decide who got it "when" we split up. We thought in doing this, it would make things smoother "when" that day came. 
You see, what we actually had done is created a pattern of failure. Any relationship we had been in had failed us, or we had failed it. Either way... it failed. So we wanted to be prepared for when that day inevitably came. 

Then we had Children...(doesn't that just change everything? Haha.) We both knew we didn't want to give our kids a broken home. We had both experienced that ourselves, so we tried ALMOST every angle to "keep us married" until we broke. Here we both realized that our run had come to an end. Again faced with failure on both sides. My Husband not being my Prince Charming, and never feeling worthy to be with him. Me not being the wife he had envisioned, or with the same priorities. Both of us broken from the other. So many wrong paths, had just made it worse. 

Why? Why couldn't we have what the movies told us? Why were we going to be just another statistic on how marriages fail? Neither of us not knowing where to go or what to do. And me...don't even get me started, I was lost before it all even began. Shaping my life and opinions around what would please those around me. Not only was my marriage lost and failed, but I was sure that it was what I deserved by my lack of worth. I mean, why should I have any different? I should just count my blessings that we had lasted 10 years. That's longer than a lot of our friends. Even still, I wanted what my Grandparents had. I wanted my "Love of a lifetime." But this was something I couldn't get, and I didn't want this "love" of the last 10 years to be what we would have for the next 50. There had to be better, or more out there, but we were lost. I was lost.

Now anyone who has spoke with my Husband and I, has probably heard our testimony on this stage in our lives, or my readers that have read "The Light in Your Darkness ." This is a stage that my Husband and I try and be very open about. For those who don't know, I will highlight whats needed for this, but encourage you to read the full story. 

Plug in #2  for blog....check!

Okay, to recap... Up to this point in our marriage my Husband and I had "played church." You know, clocked in and out on Sundays and when the kids or important folks were looking. HOWEVER, our marriage showed nothing of God. 
Our marriage reeked havoc, not just in our lives, both those close around us as well. Even with putting our "fake" smile on, the sins of our hearts and actions bubbled to the surface, scarring more than just us. Not realizing until we were completely broke, the "Fe-ma sized catastrophe" we had created. Then what do we do? Then, the only path we had not tried...Give it ALL to God. 

But how? How do we get what we both wanted? So, we started Christian Marriage counseling. It didn't take us long to realize just how lost we had truly been. I could compare us trying to be married to the same as trying to throw a 5 year old into a car and telling them to drive. They may know some of what to do, but I doubt you would let them take you far. We needed better. We needed to know not just "how to drive," but how to do lasting maintenance to keep the "car" we were trying to drive, running as long, and as smooth as possible. 

However, before the "driving" lessons on marriage could begin, we had to fix ourselves. I mean after all, you can't build a house using broken beams. Okay, okay, you might be able to get it to stand, but it won't weather the storm. 
Now for the stand off... My Worth! We have 20 years of the world brow-beating me in every area I lack...verses... This foreign love of God that saw so much worth in me, He sent His only Son to die to save me. (John 3:16) 
 So the lessons and self exploration began to understand who I was and exactly what I was worth. We dug deeper and deeper into the Word to understand God's Love. I saw His mighty Grace and Mercy. I learned that the world and enemy will condemn me, but God will convict me with His beautiful Truth to shape me into a better person. (John 3:17-18)I learned that I am His wonderfully made daughter, and if He had 99 of his saved children with Him, He would leave them and search for me, the lost one! Just so He could bring me home!  (Psalm 127:3)(Luke 15:3-7)
                                        *WOW* 
He seeks me! He has tunnel vision focused on me! His desire is to have a relationship with me! To love me!Even when I am unlovable! Standing by me, with open arms, just waiting for me to turn to Him. There to search out my heart and help me to be the best me possible. Telling me that it is okay for me to be weak, because where I am weak, He is strong! All this time, we had been trying to build a house using us as the beams and foundation... But He who is our cornerstone is the true SOLID foundation. (Ephesians 2:20) A Foundation that WILL withstand the storm! (Matthew 7:24-27)

All this time, we had been trying to "drive" the car, and we already owned the "manual" telling us how to drive with, or without a copilot. When we finally started treating our Bible as the "Tattered road atlas" that we wouldn't dare leave without, instead of keeping it on the precious "no touch shelf," we actually started learning how to run this race. All this time, searching everywhere, taking so many unneeded paths, and the answers were in the book I avoided. I thought that book was filled with the "do-nots" of life. What I didn't know was it was full of His heart, and amazing love for me. (1John 4:19)All this time searching, and my Prince Charming that I desired unconditional love from had been right there, waiting for me to just turn and run to Him. (Zechariah 1:3) 

I finally figured out that I had true worth, not because it was earned, but because God chose to make me worthy! God showed me that MIGHTY Love is sacrificial, putting others needs first. For God so loved the world He Gave...
 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

When my Husband and I learned God's heart and how God loves us, we were able to love each other the way we were suppose to all along. No longer selfishly about me, but I love to please him, and he me. He is my best-friend, and the true love of my life, because I choose him, and He chooses me...everyday. 

<3 Cat


  

Forgiveness or Die

          Forgiveness...What is that? What does that mean? This is something that I needed to figure out. How do I move on after hurtful situations? When I say it...do I mean it? What does it mean that I am forgiven? What do we forgive? Are there limits to the  capabilities of forgiveness? These are questions that rambled through my head as I went on this hunt.I needed answers, I had a lot of hurt, as well as caused my fair share of hurt myself. I needed to know if true forgiveness was foreseeable. 

          I had hit a point in my life that I needed forgiveness. I needed to move forward in my life. I needed to truly understand, was my life "forgivable?" Was my life "worth" it? Was it worth the battle to fight, or should I just let that life go? And there it was. Sitting right there on the curb in front of my house, I had done it. I had had my first suicidal thought.  Me...the person, who didn't understand and got angry anytime people ever mentioned suicide. "HOW SELFISH!" I would bark at anyone who had said thought of it. "What about your family!!!?" But there I was, buried in my sins that had happened to me, and the horrible ones that I had committed all crashing down on me at once. Hearing a voice over and over in my head telling me, "It would be kinder to your family to just Not Be Here. This is beyond repair."

           Then while doing what I do best...analyzing all the details, a loud angry bark of my past came through my head as a warrior charging through the field of my adversaries, sword drawn, " How could you think that!? What about your kids? This IS NOT who you are or what you believe!" Then my mind was brought back to a boy in college. This boy had shared how his father had committed suicide when he was 10 years old. He had been who found his body. The thoughts he had, what had he done wrong? Why did his Dad not fight for him? At that moment...I broke. It was time for a change. My kids would NEVER go through what that boy did. I had been in church and thought I knew forgiveness, but now it was time to tear this apart. I had to be able to move past this point, but to do so, I needed to reexamine all of the so called "forgiveness" in my life. Did I really forgive the hurts of my past? 

          So the search began. What is forgiveness? I found in my research that there are three main scenarios that call for forgiveness. Option one: The person does wrong, sees that it is wrong, and comes to you to apologize. Option 2: The person doesn't realize that they have wronged you, and when you point it out to them, they then apologize. Option 3: (Most definitely the hardest) The person does you wrong, and when you confront them, has no remorse, denies, or even worse...blames you for their wrong act. I also found that there are two main roles in forgiveness. The person seeking forgiveness, and the person forgiving. Both equally important, and I was in need of both. How do I get or give that?  I needed the history of forgiveness. 

          So, with my Church background, I would seek God to see what I needed to know. I prayed and read and prayed for guidance. I needed His guidance in this...where did it all start? So, he took me to the book of Genesis.. to just that the, beginning where God created man Genesis 1:26-31. In this God created man, Adam... and even knowing the paths that would be taken...He called it good. Why would He call it good? Adam failed. Even with that what did God do when Adam failed? Was God shocked? No. He gave him a new path. A path of forgiveness, and a new future. Fast forward to Noah. The world had fallen under corruption, yet He gave a way out, a way of salvation to those who would just listen. (Genesis 6:9-9:17) A new covenant and promise to man, who fails. Then lets go to Moses, like many others...a story of greatness, failure, and redemption. I mean here, Moses had just went up and received the 10 commandments, and while gone the Israelite's had already created an idol to worship. Then when Moses got angry and smashed the commandments, God made him a new set. So again, showing a new path from failure for redemption. Then, as once again we had years upon years of failures, God gave us new path. He became flesh. God again was not shocked by our failures, but instead gave us hope for a future...this time, one that would be everlasting. He gave His Son. He gave Jesus, and Jesus could have turned away, He could have not went through with the will of God, but instead, He gave us that path to the forgiveness we all need. He wore and carried every past present and future sin with Him onto that cross. He took our punishment to ensure us forgiveness. John 3:16  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. So, now I saw God's undeniable love for us...but was I worth it? Then God asked me, " Was Paul?"

         Who was Paul before Christ? Before Jesus found Paul on the road to Damascus, he was Saul. This was a man who hunted out Christians. Destroyed churches, drug Christian men and women out of their homes to prison. (Philippians 3:4-6) However, once Jesus changed him, he became Paul, a  man who would change lives for Christ, and wrote a lot of the New Testament . A true missionary. This man did horrible things, yet God not only saw his potential and worth, but taught Paul how to rise to it and become new. Again, God saw the worth when no one else did, and paved the road for redemption.With that new path Paul changed lives, and his writings still do to this day. This was a history lesson that I needed. 

         So what does the Bible say about how to forgive? Matthew 6:14-15 says " For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins,"  So then I had to look at my past. Did I really forgive? By the world's labels. I was a child of poverty, divorce, sexual abuse, drug abuse, abandonment...and the list could keep going, but I think that is plenty. Then there is my own sins, I have lied, cheated, stole, drugs, broke laws, fights...and that list can continue on as well. I have broke families to their hinges on my own sins. Can this stuff be forgiven? I say yes, by the standards that I have studied. How do I forgive those who truly hurt me from my past? Well, First I had to realize that I am not what the world labeled me as. The moment I took Christ into my heart, I became new. As this new person I have to get to know God's heart. When you get to know the heart of God, you start to see the world through His eyes. God's eyes see potential. God's eyes see forgiveness, not because it is deserved, but as an act of grace, love and mercy to restore you to who you can be with Him. So, do I forgive those past wrong doers? Yes, and to be honest I think that was easier for me. My hard part was to be forgiven.  

          How can I be forgiven? I know God says he forgave me, but I couldn't let go. I was so ashamed of my poor choices. How do I get past that? I know as soon as you ask God, that you are forgiven...but the real problem is, I had to forgive myself, and I had to do it with no closer of being forgiven from the ones I harmed. They can't forgive me , how can I? The God said, you are new. So I took that to motivate me. Am I proud of my poor choices of my past? No, HOWEVER that is what keeps me who I am now. I know I am the daughter that God is shaping me to be. As I saw the new person he made me into, I realized it was true...I was new, whole, and at peace.That person wasn't me anymore. As for them not forgiving me, all I could do is just sincerely apologize with all my heart, and then that was between them and God if they forgave me. But I would lead in my actions, (not just my words) and my life to not head down that rode again. 

          You see, what I learned was like I said earlier. There are two roles in forgiving, the person forgiving, and then the person being forgiven. Both roles are equally as important, HOWEVER, neither role should affect the way you act in your part. It is our own actions the we are responsible for, not others reactions. (2 Corinthians 5:10) So I will do my best for Him. Will I fail? I'm sure of it from time to time. But that same grace, love, and mercy He shows me to restore me into a better person, I will strive to show others. So if you are searching for forgiveness, I will challenge you, get to know God's heart. When you do, your heart will break for the broken, search for the lost, and see potential in all. Making forgiveness that much closer. 

<3 Cat

A Letter For My Children

    As I get older, day after day I see people come and go in this lifetime. People say," We are not promised a tomorrow." Regrets lived for a lifetime, wishing they had just said that one thing. Parentless children, wishing for guidance as they hit their road bumps of life. So, this I write for my children. Not only my children of blood, but to my children by marriage, heart, and any in my path that I have influence over.
   
    Let me start for the boys...
  To my sweet precious boys.
I wish for you the world, but to live in your heart as if you live on the ground floor. Never looking past those who the world so easily overlook. There is no one better respected than the master who will serve his servants.
  
   The world will tell you to, "Be a man." Well I agree..be a man...
Be a man of God. Be a man, a man that is in, and KNOWS His Word. Be a man to walk with integrity, to do what is right with no one watching. Even if it's not popular to do so. Be a man to lead for God, even if it looks as if none will follow. Be a man to avert your eyes when this world tries to tempt you to desire a woman's body before her heart.
  
   Be a man that faces his fears, and steps out in faith. Be a man who forgives easy, and loves hard. Be a man that when he fails, doesn't sit shackled by those failures, but learns from them. One that walks away as a victor and overcommer, and can help those struggling the same way. Be a man who says he is sorry, and mean it with all your heart. Be a man who respects his woman, whether she respects herself or not.  Show her her true worth, show her how God loves her.
   Be a man who provides for his family, and still takes time to play. Be a man who chooses to desire God first, so that God can show you how to be the husband in love with his wife after 50 years. Be a man that after 20 years of marriage will still grab his wife by the hand and dance with her in the Livingroom, while telling her that you love her.
   Be a man...a respectful man. Be a man, a man of action, who jumps to help without being asked. Be a man...a gentlemen. When compassion and tenderness is needed, don't fear to show it. Be a man, a warrior man. A man who will stand in the darkest time for the truth. Be a man as the world says, but be a man to lead the men of this world to what a man should be.
   To my girls..my sweet, beautiful, diamonds in the rough. First and foremost, get to know your Father. Your Father who is unfailing, your Heavenly Father.
 
    Love God with all your heart, and don't fear to give Him your heart. He will respect it. Know that your worth is more than any price in this world!
   Know that you are beautiful, no matter your body shape or the worlds view on beauty. Be in your Word and know your Word. Be of integrity, and fearless in it. Be a role-model to those who struggle with self worth, and have fallen into the worlds lies, that their only worth is their body.
Be kind and compassionate. Respect yourself to live by standards, and know that you are worth those standards! Know that God beautifully made you the way you are, and has great plans for you! Be in prayer, so you know God's voice for when He guides you. When you find yourself "needing a guy," don't just give your heart to a guy who says he "likes"you. Know that his heart is with God, so you will know that he will know how to treat you.
   Set standards, you are worth them. If you go to marry a man, marry a man you know will lead you how God intends him to lead. Be a voice of reason and compassion. Be tender with your heart, but strong with the truth. Be the woman who guides and encourages her husband to be the man God intends him to be. Be a teacher, and a mother to those around you. Listen, even when it's hard to hear. When you stumble and fall, stand up and look back to God to guide you. Be the woman to set a new standard for the women of the world.
My boys and girls...learn to laugh, even when it's hard...laughter can be so healing to the broken. There will be a time that you will find yourself lost, unsure of your outcome, and not knowing what to do. Feeling only lost and alone. No matter how lost you feel, you are Not alone...God is always with you! Go to Him, He will guide you home! He will love you more than I ever could! I know that no matter how lost you feel, the day I first looked in your eyes...I saw you "found", I saw you"whole", and I saw you"home." Just turn to Him. To live your life with God is to truly live. You will see the world in His eyes, find His compassion, His heart, truly see worth in each person. You will find your strength in Him, even in the hardest of times..giving you peace. You will find His grace, love, and mercy.
   So in closing, know this...I am proud of you! I'm proud of who you are, and who you will be. I'm proud to be any part of helping you be the person God has planned for you to be, no matter how long or short that role may be. I'm proud of the stumbles that I know you will overcome and learn from. Just remember...keep God first in your life and He will guide you through the rest. I love you more than you could possibly ever know....and He loves you more!!
                    Loving you always!
                                  Mom
<3 Cat

You Might Be A Mom of Boys If....

Being a mother of a household of boys, I had to learn real fast these basic rules. If it is a rarity that it will happen, they will figure out a way. Never be surprised at what a boy can put in his body..and where. Last but definitely not least...learn to laugh it out. So, I put together this blog, to hopefully spread some laughs from my experience as a momma of some ornery boys. Enjoy...

You might be a mom of boys if...
When you hear a cry, you DON'T automatically look to see who hurt them, instead you look at him and say,"What did you do?"

You might be a mom of boys if...
You learn how to do butterfly stitches just to prevent, yet another trip to the hospital. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
You know better than to buy plastic swords, because they can cause "pressure cuts" when whacked against a head. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
When furniture shopping, the sales clerk catches you jumping on the furniture to see how it holds up. 

 You might be a mom of boys if...
You scurry your boys past the bathroom display in the store, because...well, you just KNOW better.

You might be a mom of boys if...
You potty train outside before you do inside.

You might be a mom of boys if...
You walk into your local E.R. and the triage nurse, before registering, calls you by name and says ,"Hey! What do you have for us tonight?"

You might be a mom of boys if...
If you can actually sit on all your shelves hung in your house, and they won't fall. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
If Poison Control is actually programmed in your phone. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
You take EMT classes, and DO NOT work in the medical field. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
Your child has had an x-ray to find the foreign object.

You might be a mom of boys if...
You have ever called Poison Control to see if you have been poisoned, because your son has poured Windex in your tea to "clean" your cup. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
An ER doctor gives you his schedule for the week, and says,"Can you call me after and let me know how it turns out...I'm just fascinated by this!"

 You might be a mom of boys if...
You find foot prints on the wall in your hallway...up by the ceiling. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
You have ever had to explain, why peeing on a tree at the park, IS NOT the same as your yard. 

You might be a mom of boys if...
You win the "Random Purse Award" by finding a stethoscope, light-bulb, and matchbox car in your purse at a training seminar for work.

You might be a mom of boys if...
If you receive a care package from your "phone BFF" at Poison Control, and think, "Awww, I miss her!"

and last but not least...

You might be a mom of boys if...
Your heart absolutely melts when you see a baby boy smile, and catch a glimpse of ornery in those eyes, before he can even walk.  :) 

<3 Cat

Failing Christmas

         The past two years, I have been struggling at Christmas time. Borderline being strangled by the commercialism and the pressure placed on parents to get your kids that "Amazing Gift", well lets be real, those "Amazing Giftssssssss." One is never enough right?  Being a Christian I am well aware of what the real meaning of the season is, and trust me that is what this house celebrates. Our primary focus is celebrating the birth of Jesus, and even with that, the pressure is still there. People take out loans, max out credit cards, go in debt, place bills in great delinquency, just to get the right amount of presents for their loved ones. Some, being pressured to be sure they have enough will scout out those deals all year long. just to not be in massive debt from the season.  Some even so desperate that they will break into someone else's house to steal their gifts. 

         When I see all this, and myself fall victim to it, the pressure starts growing on my chest. Exactly, how many presents are right? What is enough? Is this the right "name brand"? Working with youth in every aspect of my life, I find I cannot compliment a youth on their outfit without getting a full itinerary of what awesome "popular" store name they got it from. When is enough, enough??? Are Charlie Brown and I the only ones who gets overwhelmed by all of this? Showing our love, are we only capable to do that with "x" amount of presents? I know a lot of you are saying, "Of course not, the presents are not what matters, it is the family." But really lets think about this, if you told your child that this year for Christmas, we are bringing the "real reason of the season" back, and you told them that they would only get one present and it may even be homemade, will they be disappointed? Feeding into this demand, has told them, "Yes Jesus is the reason for the season, but you and all your friends will make out awesome at Christmas." Television, friends, and the world telling them that they will get a lot. Raising "material expectations". Even, if they are okay with it, Lets move forward... they go to a group function after Christmas and get asked, "What did you get for Christmas?" Right there, (and yes I even do it) Then they say their present..."Oh, that is great! What else did you get?" Right there the "one gift" is shown that it is not enough. With great intentions, your Christmas values that you try to instill in your kids, has just been belittled. 

        Now don't make me into any kind of scrooge, because this is my favorite time of year. I look forward to this season all year long. I love it! I love celebrating the birth of Christ! As my pastor always says, "Without the cradle, we couldn't have the Cross."  I love the music, the decorations, teaching my children about His birth,  the faces excited waking me up Christmas morning, breakfast and coffee that morning. Which makes my chest even heavier. I don't like having any bad feeling this time of year, this is my FAVORITE time of year! However, the world flashes my "Christmas failure" in my face more and more each year. I just want to scream! This is not what makes this season so special! The urge grows more and more to run away, go to a cabin deep in the woods and bury ourselves into family time, with no outside expectations. Reset Christmas. When is enough, enough? 

      I smile my Christmas smile on the outside, while inside I'm screaming with frustration at the worldly guilt, that I won't give my children a good "enough" Christmas. Constant worry, if I reset Christmas, and correct how much we have fed into this monster, will my children grow resentment toward this? Which would completely shadow even more the REAL meaning of the season. At every corner, we are told or shown that Christmas should be a certain way. Some may think that this bothers me only because we don't have much money. Well, I can assure you that even when we made more money...enough is never enough. 

     Some tell me to sign up for places that get you presents, but we can get some, and I don't want to take that from someone who really needs it, especially when I KNOW that is not the whole reason for the season anyways. The other day, I asked around and on Facebook what the average person spends on Christmas. There were many answers, but most popular was between $200-$300 per child, not counting other family members or Christmas parties. I know I have five children to buy for, and at that price, that would be $1,000!! That's not including school parties with food and gifts, Youth parties, food for other parties, employee party with food and gift. Then there is cards..Oh wait..we have the same bills we have had all year long. Then, I am overwhelmed struggling to get this done, rushing to meet deadlines, and just want to stop and AHHHHHHH!! THIS IS NOT WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!!!! Like I said, I am not a scrooge. I love this time of year, and I love all the stuff we go to, and want to participate, want to get them things. I love that look when they open stuff they have wanted, but where is the balance? I want to cut things down, and truly enjoy family and people we love, and not be made to feel like I am "Failing Christmas." I want my kids to enjoy and be grateful for whatever they get, which I know they would be. However, I want them to do that without being made to feel later, or others feeling that their Christmas wasn't good enough. I want people to see that true BLESSINGS are not always material objects. Sometimes it is the fellowship that goes on between family and friends, or a hug, or a shoulder to cry on. Picking up the phone, and just maybe telling someone that you care. Showing that love of Christ sometimes in the simplest way. Taking a few blankets that if your like me, you probably have too many of anyways, to someone sleeping outside. 

      So what is the point of this blog? Well, I guess a reminder that we sometimes need to run against the worlds expectations, especially when God places something on your heart. This, God has placed on my heart...RESET Christmas. Make sure your children would be okay with one or forty gifts, and understand the real reason, and the real beauty of family and friends, whether they get something out of it or not. Love others like Christ loved, forgive as He did, and show mercy and compassion to those less fortunate than you.   

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

     “Glory to God in the highest

and on earth peace among those with whom he is                       pleased!” Luke 2:10-14

I Hope you truly have a blessed Christmas!

With love from my Family to Yours, 

<3 Cat

Failing The Need

        Here it is Thanksgiving, the kids are tucked in bed, I pick at my leftovers in my heated house and my husband at work. While most of the city feeds into these corporations schemes to spend more money and walk away from their Families to get the deals...I sit here with a heavy heart. Don't worry, I am not going on a tangent about what I think of Black Friday and the Giant Marionette Handlers others wise known as Corporations that head these so called sales..If you want that, you will have to read my blog  "Thanksgiving Thoughts"    Anyways, now don't get me wrong, I had an amazing Thanksgiving. I was very blessed. I got to sleep in until 8:30 this morning. I hung out in my pajamas drinking coffee while watching the Macy's Day Parade on TV with my family. I had a nice record breaking phone call with my brother. (almost 25 minutes)Then it was off to lunch at my Mom's house with her, my sister and family. Then we loaded up to head to the In-laws for another awesome meal, and great visit with more Family. Then once we got back home, my Husband went to work, and my mom came down to watch a good Family Movie with me and the kiddos. A truly great time. Yet my heart weighs so much it is unbearable.

          It all started when I looked at the morning paper and saw the Non-Profit I work at made the front page. I grab it to read, and the only thing written was about the dinner we had yesterday. Just a small text under the picture explaining the picture, and that was it. That was it! Here it is the Thanksgiving issue of the paper, with all the black Friday adds, the most purchased paper of the year, and the only thing the paper prints is that we had a dinner, who paid for it, and how the restaurant discounted the price. Granted it's all relevant and important information, however this is a non-profit that helps disadvantaged children, which runs on donations and volunteers. Committed people to mentor and be there for these kids, opening opportunities that they may never get elsewhere, and yet us along with our brother non-profits, we starve for people.  Always having to pick from the same circle to commit their time to these kids. Did they mention any of that? No. A time they could have really highlighted us and our programs to help get more people involved and instead, its just the dinner. I think this stuff bothers me because my Father is a journalist and I know what they can do, and this was just a quick photo opp, and that was it. What a better Thanksgiving story, than to highlight an organization that is focused on our future...our children, but none of that was covered. 

           If people could realize how little it takes to affect a child. Most of the time, it is just to be there, not anything special, just to be there. These kids have suffered things that most can't imagine, and usually can only rely on themselves. Donating a present or a meal is great, but what they really want more than the meal, is someone to sit with them to eat it. Someone to tell them that you are proud of them. Someone to show them a different way to act. Someone who will not judge them when by themselves they let their tough shell down and ask for shampoo, or toothpaste over a toy. The holiday "feel good gifts" are great, but what about when there are no holidays, who is there for them then? The news said earlier this month ," It's the time of year to start thinking about helping others", which really upset me, because there is not a certain "time" to start helping others. It should be done, because it needs done. Not because its finally the time of year to finally "think about it". We are called to serve, and you may not think about it until a certain season requires you to, so that you meet the "status quo", but I guarantee you that those kids think about it everyday, whether it's popular or not.

             I see kids taking their bikes or walking in the cold, waiting for the doors to open, in the same clothes. I have saw them cry because they got there after supper, worried about if they were gonna get to eat, because they had no food at home. Here is a shock, it was not a holiday and they were hungry. We give them Coats, hats, gloves, soap, toothpaste, help them with homework, supply material for projects, but just as important we give them a stable face that is there for them.So many of these places need people to get involved. Not just the material objects, but a little of their time. Once a month dedicate a few hours to spend with them. Shoot ball, read them a book, help them with homework. The slightest thing can minister to a child.  You can help them to build morals, build their character and confidence, and give them something they don't have a lot of experience with...hope. A little love and encouragement can go a long way.  So many say they don't have time, well look up how much time the average family spends watching television and see how those hours add up...I was shocked. These kids are our future, and they need us. They need us to guide them and show them the love of God. They need to see that where so many have failed with them, others will pick them up, because we care for them, and their outcome, and even in their own failures, that we are going to root for them and believe in them. They need people that are going to just be there, but this small circle these non-profits fish from are not cutting it. It is time that we as Christians pick it up and do what we are called to do.  Here is a reality check for my local readers...Did you know that in Wood County there is close to 400 homeless children between Kindergarten and senior in high school, and those are only the ones that are actually on record. That is right, it's high time we start looking up from our own circumstances and start making some serious changes. This is our future, and if we drop the ball, they will too. They need us!! 

Cat <3

The Light in Your Darkness

If there has ever been a time that I have ever wondered why people say, "When it rains it pours." Then there is no doubt, that now I know what that means. ha ha..Got the message loud and clear, no need for reteaching. No worries here folks.  I'm not going to delve into all our problems, I will just highlight to give you a vague idea, but more importantly, I know that I am not the only one that has been hit hard this year. I hope to share what has been shared with me that gives me, my calm in the chaos this world throws at me.

       So, how do I start this? I guess, we should hit a little history. Lets start with our family's walk. My husband and I have been married 14 years. Now, am I gonna say that our marriage has been sunshine and rainbows? Hahahahaha...uh...hmmm...that would be a NO. I think anyone with any years under their belts could agree, that is just not the way it works. I mean anyone who has even has a long friendship, will learn quickly that it doesn't just come and stay great, it takes work.
Anyhow...
   
        Through the years God has been in our life, However, we only acknowledged His presence at certain times. You know those "important times" like holidays, funerals, and when we needed something that only a miracle could deliver us from.Oh yeah, also anytime my Grandmother or In-Laws were looking...God was big in our life then, or at least that is what we claimed. Then we had children, so we then had to have more of a front. I mean after all, we knew our children should be in church, it was good for them. So close to every Sunday we took them to church, and taught them to pray before eating. Granted my Bible grew thicker with dust as I left it on the "no'touch special book shelf." But we were "good" parents right??? Not cursing or fighting...not one disagreement in front of the kids, never drinking unless they were in bed, or staying at a friends house. I mean after all...even hungover from a crazy night at the bar, we got up and made sure they got to church. I was the "classroom mother" Snack provider for their sports, At every practice..and Game. Never missed one! My children did their homework as soon as they got home from school, we read bedtime stories. We played together, spent time together, talked...that's it..right? That is what made us great parents? Right??Slowly my children gained politeness, interaction with other children, had a great relationship with us. However our marriage starved. Living a split life, conveying morals to our children that we didn't live ourselves."Do as I say, not as I do" " God is important, because Sunday morning tells us so."
Boy did we have a lot to learn...

       All I can say is thank God for His grace, mercy, and love. So...Long story short...We broke...each of us finding any and every path to run our marriage into the ground. And when I say run it into the ground...I don't mean a simple skip across the ground..I mean a pivot so deep most people are destroyed and scarred for life from it, That's how good we were. Then my husband would get right with God, and it was my turn to take the wheel and drive us back to the pit. This is how it worked until one day, we were so unattached from each other that we sat on our curb in front of our house and started discussing custody arrangements. No emotions, besides splitting up the house on the kids...but towards each other...nothing..calm...an eerie calm..A scary "its final" kind of calm. At this point it is usually done. My family and friends hated my husband because of his wrongs, and his family hating me, and borderline broke due to mine. The aftershock from our sins was one FEMA and the Government would declare a National Disaster.There was no where to go, no other paths, we had done our damage.

But God had others plans...
Thank God He had others plans!!!

        Sitting on that curb, something came over us, and with where we went from there... I have no doubts that it was God that day. My Husband says to me, "What about God?" "What about Church?" "What about us trying one more time, for the kids...but really try God. We have gone and committed to going to church, but what about both of us going in, completely?" "Learning it His way, and then if that doesn't work, then we know without a doubt that we tried EVERYTHING." So, that is what we did. We started Christian counseling and really getting into our Word. God taught us about love and forgiveness and HOW to be married. He taught me who I am, and who He has made me to be. He has taught me that I don't have to live in the shadows and chains of my past sins, and that I WILL keep continuing to screw up...but it's different now. Now when it happens and He points it out to me, it is my true hearts desire to learn and walk away from that sin. Not saying I always do that well, because I don't. But I am trying, because I love God and I want to make Him happy with my choices.
So fast forwarding now... My Husband and I are awesome...and by awesome, does that mean we don't have squabbles?? Yeah right! But its different now. We both love God 100% We love and CHOSE our marriage, even at the rough points, and when we mess up...we truly love each other, we don't want that. All we want is happiness for the other, and intend to work to provide that for the other. I am truly with my best friend, and even on our worst day, facing our biggest mountain, there is no one that I would rather face it with. He is my counterpart, my love..and here is my nerd shout out to the Whovians out there..He is my Companion. ( I know he is seriously rolling his eyes now with that Dr. Who reference hahaha but that makes me smile and hey...if it fits )

         Anyhow back on track ...We are good, God continues to teach us about all aspects of our life. We are in the Word. We, (no longer just Sunday mornings) teach our children the Word, We tithe, help in our church, and surround ourselves with God at any chance we can, trying daily to live and teach our children how to walk with God and have a relationship. Not just with our words, but by them witnessing our own walks, and guiding them along theirs. In studying in Daniel we realized how important setting our standards to line up with God's is. But in the last year, we must be a true threat haha, because every time we turned around there seems to be an attack headed our way. The main theme of this year seems to be financial, feeling alone and doubts of my capabilities as a mother, wife, friend...well, in anything really... In growing in Christ, it does make it nicer when you realize it is an attack, and where it comes from, but it can still be a rough ride. Some days handled better than others. It is not a simple thing, especially when you start hitting some truly serious situations to just say, "Here ya go God...it's all on you..I'm OUT" Yeah it doesn't work quite like that. Instead, it is a constant roller-coaster, with your ups and downs. Some days, being the person that represents peace, reassuring those concerned around you, how God will help us and that we need to just keep walking faithfully. Met by the next day with a psychotic spazzing out melt down, about what if we can't do this, what are WE going to do, how can WE fix this. What if WE are meant to walk through this? Even saying those words, my spirit knows better, but its like I can't stop them. And then...there was the numb days...the days I shut down, walked past the battle without a glance even close to that direction.

And then He spoke, when teaching my son his daily Bible study, God spoke directly to my heart.
John 16:33 
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
You see, we are guaranteed troubles in this world, but we are to be at peace because God has already overcome them all, and through Him, He will make you an overcomer.
Psalm 18:2
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold..
 He is our Rock...what is that..that is the solid foundation of who we are with Him. He is strong and steady for us, only good foundations are made from it. He is my fortress! A fort, a get away, a place when all is wrong for you to take refuge in. A place of solitude and sanctuary, away from the enemy. He is my Shield...my protector! He is my horn of my salvation, he is the strength in my salvation! We are not meant to be strong, We are not meant to stand alone in our battles. We are to flee to Him, the one we can take refuge in. the one who will be strong for us. Even when we feel alone, or don't understand why this is happening. We don't have to understand why, we just have to run to him. He is our light and shelter in the storm. When someone is chasing a small child, does the child stop to ask why? No, they just run as fast as their feet will take them to their Mother or Father who will shield and protect them. They have full trust, even in the scariest moments, that only there with that protector will they get what they need. So in your battle, you may not understand why this is happening to you, but you don't have to...you just need to know where to run to. And please know, as you can hopefully tell from my testimony at how far gone our marriage was, you can never be to far gone for God. Just run to Him...He is waiting. Even if you have been with God for a while and just hit a bad battle that has recently rocked you..He is waiting
<3 Cat